So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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