Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
