Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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