never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
