guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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