I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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