She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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