The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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