Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
