I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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