Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
