I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
