she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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