Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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