getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
