I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
