how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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