He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
