just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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