This girl is more easily done than said...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
