Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
