I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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