We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
