did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
