I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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