Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
