hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
