I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
