Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
