Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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