i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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