Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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