A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
