I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Everything about him screamed your future.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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