I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
