I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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