happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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