lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
