All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
