Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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