a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
