I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
