I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
