And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
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That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
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These people don't understand my stages of drunk
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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