I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
