Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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