i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Randomize
