Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
