There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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