I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
lol hangovers are for mortals.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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