I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
ok first of all what the fuck
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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