Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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