Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
