Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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