Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
