Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
