OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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