I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
