I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
