I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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