am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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