please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
