we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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