Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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