Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
