i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
