One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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