Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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