I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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