if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
either way he was missing a nipple.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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