I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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