nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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