i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
