smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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